Too old?

I've got a thrill seeking devil on one shoulder and a sensible angel on the other.

The devil is whispering all kinds of great ideas like - give up your job, take a year out before it's too late, make the break before the babies - into my ear.

The angel is telling me to stop right where I am and have some sense, we're in the middle of a global recession and I'm lucky enough to have a job - to give it up would be plain stupid.

I admit the angel makes a valid point which is why I probably won't be giving up my job and heading down under to pick grapes and enjoy tinnies at sunset but why do I feel so bad for even thinking about the possibility of such a venture?

My mother nearly had heart failure when I suggested it. She said I should have more sense at my age. I'm only in my twenties - hardly ready to draw my pension (which I might add has dwindled to next to nothing in the last year.) I could think of far worse things to confess over Sunday dinner but I doubt admitting to mass murder would have provoked such a reaction. At least in jail I'd have a roof over my head and three square meals a day.

It seems to me that anyone who thinks of travelling past the age of twenty five is considered a hippie, a feckless hippie that the state will end up supporting at that. I want to be that hippie!

I want to blow my savings on a big adventure but my middle class mentality is standing in my way, preventing me from becoming the free spirit I know I could be.

The problem is I spend too much time considering it and then the fear sets in.

The fear that if I take a risk now I'll never again find a man as wonderful as John (he laughs just a tad hysterically every time I suggest the idea of anything longer than a two week trip)and I'll never work again because the job market has shrunk around the world. The fear that I'll get stuck in Australia with no money and be forced to work in a menial job for years just to save enough money to get home.

The problem is although I feel like I'm twenty two, my mindset is not. I should have done this five years ago - before I became repulsed by messy untidy apartments that house dozens and became used to having money in my bank account.




2 comments:

doherty said...

I'm 39 and if money came my way (to pay the mortgage and fixed bills) I would drop everything and tour the world. Its a small world and worth seeing. I find it hard even that I have not seen most of Europe. Sure you could do it when you retire but there is alot of things that age just makes that little harder. Remember when you thought sleeping in a hostel was not an issue or a tent? Now its a bed no matter what. Just don't get stuck in one place for too long. Would prefer a partner in crime to share the experience but even then - in a flash without hesitation

Louise said...

haha you have just described exactly what happened me this time last year! i had a stable 'secure' [to be said in country woman's pleading voice] job and a 'nice lad' of a boyfriend! but i just had itchy feet... not the athlete's foot kind, but the kind that i wanted to stretch and go throw some shapes around the dance floors of the world! so myself and a few mates scrapped the well paid jobs, the nice lad boyfriends and broke the news to the parents... well holy god as miley would hav said in glenroe... everythin hit the fan then... but sure the pensionable job was packed in at that stage so sure what could they do only shed a tear and wave us off at the airport, or in our case bus station where we started the trip off with a lock in at a pub waiting for the plane and that started off the trip the way it continued-in a drunken fun blaze of glory!! i mite hav been 25 heading off, and a bit older than a lot of the fantastic group of people we met over the course of the year but we had a brilliant time and was well worth the risk! plus the fact we gave ourselves 'travelling ages' of '22' it also helped... the poor suckers never guessed we were actally older in most cases!! anyway now iv returned... a 26 year old girl...(dont worry i was a girl when i left as well!!) a few extra freckles... a few unexplainable bruises and scars but with the memories and new friends of an unforgettable year-and thats what gets me through the endless searching for jobs each day and the depressing news reading of anne doyle or brian dobson!! so ur never too old... or if u are just make up a new age... u can always find another 'nice lad' either abroad (theres a nice few there!!) and there are always goin to be other jobs! there may be many things ul regret doin while ur away but actally taking the step to go travelling is one thing ul never end up regretting!!