Too old?

I've got a thrill seeking devil on one shoulder and a sensible angel on the other.

The devil is whispering all kinds of great ideas like - give up your job, take a year out before it's too late, make the break before the babies - into my ear.

The angel is telling me to stop right where I am and have some sense, we're in the middle of a global recession and I'm lucky enough to have a job - to give it up would be plain stupid.

I admit the angel makes a valid point which is why I probably won't be giving up my job and heading down under to pick grapes and enjoy tinnies at sunset but why do I feel so bad for even thinking about the possibility of such a venture?

My mother nearly had heart failure when I suggested it. She said I should have more sense at my age. I'm only in my twenties - hardly ready to draw my pension (which I might add has dwindled to next to nothing in the last year.) I could think of far worse things to confess over Sunday dinner but I doubt admitting to mass murder would have provoked such a reaction. At least in jail I'd have a roof over my head and three square meals a day.

It seems to me that anyone who thinks of travelling past the age of twenty five is considered a hippie, a feckless hippie that the state will end up supporting at that. I want to be that hippie!

I want to blow my savings on a big adventure but my middle class mentality is standing in my way, preventing me from becoming the free spirit I know I could be.

The problem is I spend too much time considering it and then the fear sets in.

The fear that if I take a risk now I'll never again find a man as wonderful as John (he laughs just a tad hysterically every time I suggest the idea of anything longer than a two week trip)and I'll never work again because the job market has shrunk around the world. The fear that I'll get stuck in Australia with no money and be forced to work in a menial job for years just to save enough money to get home.

The problem is although I feel like I'm twenty two, my mindset is not. I should have done this five years ago - before I became repulsed by messy untidy apartments that house dozens and became used to having money in my bank account.